Here at Discount
Diva U, we believe that a strong foundation
in the basics gives a Diva-in-training
the tools she needs in order to reach
her full shopping potential. To maximize
your growth, we recommend peppering
your everyday conversation with the
following terms:
Buyagra:
Stimulant to be taken prior to shopping.
Increases potency and duration of spending
spree.
Buyer Beware: A minor
detail that has no bearing on a Discount
Diva's purchasing decision if she really
likes something.
Closet:
A multi-purpose space coveted by all
discount divas in which to place their
constantly evolving wardrobe, as well
as “collections” and future
transformation projects. Hence this
space must be mammoth in size. Please
note that an extra bedroom can be pledged
into service or in truly dire circumstances,
an occupied bedroom can be converted
but polite Divas give the former occupant
a comfortable sofa on which to sleep
(they have them at the Salvation Army
for under $50). It should further be
noted that these later 2 options should
only be exercised after first ensuring
that your Dude has surrendered all of
his closet space.
Chipped
paint: Shabby chic
Discount
Diva: A person who posseses
the uncanny ability to spot a bargain,
even when it is covered in dust, stained,
broken and seemingly beyond repair and
then risks the wrath of her loved ones
as she brings it home to await its transformation.
A DD also refuses to pay a penny more
than something is worth except on the
inevitable transformation process, in
which case the item immediately accrues
more value to the DD after she spends
a great deal of time and money on it
before it ends up at her yard sale (see
yard sale “seller” definition).
DivaDeal:
A purchase that non-Discount Divas,
tightwads and husbands alike agree is
a bargain.
DivaDivorce:
A marital condition caused by a husband's
utter failure to truly embrace and appreciate
his Discount Diva's procurement skills.
Discount
Dude: A Discount Diva's
partner in bargain shopping who actually
appreciates the Discount Diva's shopping
talents as well as her purchases.
